This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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