But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
