i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
