Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
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You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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