Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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