youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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