While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
