who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
