So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Boobs speak an international language.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
