She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
