Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
