My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize