i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
ttyl tear gas
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
