a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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