If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
