Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
