o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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