ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
