I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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