The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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