I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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