Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
