i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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