Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
