Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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