I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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