At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
