I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
