if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
