also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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