I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
