Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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