you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
