Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
