dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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