I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
