i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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