she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
