Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
