she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
