i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize