I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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