the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
