Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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