You're completely useless in the revolution.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
