I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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