i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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