strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
