I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
