I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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