Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
