I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
