Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
