The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
