haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
