I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think your dad took our porno
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
