I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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