We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
