so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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