It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
